


'If'

by Writer_Jpg



Series: Kylux Sad Stuff [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, What-If, it's sad, nobody is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 03:57:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14072382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Jpg/pseuds/Writer_Jpg
Summary: 'If' is the cruelest word that Kylo Ren can think of.





	'If'

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my depression, for inspiring all the angst I've ever written :^). But yeah, this is shorter than what anything I'd normally write. Enjoy though. (PS. You guys should hella check me out on Twitter or Tumblr ;^) )

_'When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him.'_

_-Madeline Miller_

 

If it was a weekday that wasn't Monday, Armitage Hux would be waking up to his preset alarm at exactly 04:00 hours.

If it was a Monday, he would wake up at least an hour earlier than normal to allow himself extra time in his office (which would normally be bypassed until in the evening) to check on reports that he may have missed over Sunday—his one day spent off the bridge.

If it was 06:00 hours on any day but Sunday, he would be on the bridge, uniform pressed and buttoned and gloved hands cradling his favorite cup of his favorite bitter tea as he listened to Dopheld Mitaka give him a daily report.

If it was 09:00 hours on any day except Sunday, he would briefly step away from the bridge to retrieve one of the many nutrient bars—crafted specifically those in service of the First Order—and take exactly three bites of it to tide him over until later.

It it was 13:00 hours on any day except Sunday, he would have already made rounds through the bridge, held a regulated meeting with officers, and sent off reports to Supreme Leader Snoke—at least, when Snoke was still alive he did.

If it was 13:45 on any day except Sunday, Kylo Ren would always make his appearance to simultaneously strike fear in the hearts of those on the bridge and to silently guide Hux away from the bride to finish off another nutrient bar—sometimes two if Kylo could keep him talking long enough to not notice when Kylo passed him another.

If it was 21:00 hours on any day except Sunday, his official shift on the bridge would come to an abrupt end and he would be leaving specific orders for the officer that would take over during night shift before he'd cut towards his room.

If it was 21:34 hours on any day except Sunday, he would first feed Millicent, who remained beside the door for his arrival, then jump into a quick sonic shower—because he only had a limited amount of water available and he preferred to save those for emergency days—while also snatching another nutrient bar.

If it was 21:47 hours on any day except Sunday, he would undress into a set of underclothes specifically tailored to his size and pick up his data pad to start finalizing reports, data, and more for his next shift.

If it was 23:50 hours on any day except Sunday, Millicent would be pawing at his bed for attention, which he would willingly give her, letting her lounge across his lap or chest.

If it was 24:21 hours on any day except Sunday, he would set his alarm, put down his data pad, set the lights to the lowest setting, and finally settled down to sleep a usually dreamless sleep.

If it was Sunday, it was different.

If it was Sunday, Armitage Hux wouldn't wake up until at least 08:00 hours, when Millicent would be meowing or pawing at his bedroom door, while he was tangled in his sheets with his arms and legs mixed with Kylo Ren's own.

If it was Sunday, he wouldn't be able to get up for several minutes after waking because Kylo's arms were like shackles, keeping him held against a very warm, snoring body—although he wouldn't be complaining.

If it was Sunday, he would finally be crawling out of his bed at roughly 09:00 hours with Kylo rolling over to grab a pillow, muttering his disagreements as Hux glanced over the map of moles across his back (he'd memorized their places long ago).

If it was Sunday, he would  _sometimes_ allow himself—and usually Kylo, who would join—the luxury of a water shower, spending extra time on each other and themselves.

If it was Sunday, he'd actually take his time shaving, check his hair length in case a trim was needed, and put on fresh, loose clothes he'd only wear inside his own room.

If it was Sunday, and Kylo had yet to wake up, Hux would spend his time on the couch, checking on his data pat, petting a satisfied Millicent—until Kylo would suddenly awaken like some bear from hibernation and come after him for some sort of affection he normally wouldn't get the rest of the week.

If it was Sunday, they wouldn't leave his room if they could help it.

If it was Sunday, they would dance around each other, toying with one another before they would inevitably end up back in Hux's bed with Millicent once more being locked out of the room.

If it was Sunday, he would usually be too worn out from activities—or too relaxed for once—to move, so Kylo would always be the one to order food to be brought to them by the droids; it would be actual food, not nutrient bars.

If it was Sunday, they'd lounge around, feeding each other bites from their plates as they discussed what they hadn't been able—or allowed—to talk about all week.

If it was Sunday, Kylo wouldn't leave his room until it was late into the night, usually after Hux had fallen asleep because he just knew the general needed to be up earlier than normal come the next morning and he didn't want to make him late.

If it was Sunday, Kylo would kiss along the jaw of Armitage Hux as he dozed off, fingers barely tracing the freckles along his bare shoulders.

If it was—

_'If'._

'If' is a powerful word.

'If' can mean many things.

'If' can translate as either good or bad.

'If he had remembered to hide his toys from sitting on the co-pilot's seat, his dad wouldn't have known he had sneaked onto the ship  _again_ and had to tell his mom— _again'._

'If the rain lets up, like his mom had promised, he would be allowed to go outside and play with the other kids'.

'If'.

If Armitage Hux had lived, then 'if' wouldn't leave such a bitter taste in Kylo Ren's mouth.

If Armitage Hux had lived, he would still have those Sunday evenings dedicated to having Kylo explore his body, memorizing every freckle and the gasps that came with them.

If Armitage Hux had lived, he would have woken up in one of those uncomfortable med bay beds, a grimace on his face as he scolded Kylo over his great coat being destroyed; he'd most likely send him off to hunt down a perfect copy from where ever he got them tailored at.

If Armitage Hux had lived, Millicent wouldn't be meowing in confusion at the door when only Kylo came through it, visibly anxious when her owner didn't follow.

If Armitage Hux had lived, Kylo wouldn't be clearing out his office of all his personal things, refusing to let anyone else touch them.

If Armitage Hux had lived, he would be sitting beside Kylo right now on his dark couch, hand on his thigh, complaining about how Kylo  _really_ needed to shower.

If Armitage Hux had lived, Kylo Ren would have had the strength to finally be able to say the words he had been terrified to say; the words him and Hux had danced around since they had first stumbled into bed together.

If Armitage Hux had lived, he would have been cursing at Kylo for his hat so tight in his hands right now—or for letting tears fall onto it.

If Armitage Hux had lived, Kylo would still have a reason to call himself Supreme Leader.

If Armitage Hux had lived, Kylo Ren—the First Order as well—would still have a reason to keep pushing on; to continue living.

If.

'If' is the both the cruelest and the saddest word a person could here.

If only things had been different.

If.


End file.
